Future Outlook

A couple of days ago I read a sweet article written by a mom of a teenage boy.  She was reflecting on watching her little boy grow up and become more and more independent.  He was taller, quieter, spent more time in his room alone, hugged her a little less, and was starting to have a life of his own.  That’s what we all want for our children isn’t it?  To grow up, go off on their own and have a good life with dreams of college, financial security, and a family of their own.   That’s what I want for Sylvia, and quite honestly, and maybe surprising to many of you, for Jackson.

A few months ago I had the opportunity to visit a supported living home.  The two women living there were part of a program called Roads to Community Living.  RCL is a program to get individuals living in institutions out and place them in homes in the community.  They are then supported in their home with caregivers who help them with their daily needs.  The home was a duplex, nicely furnished, clean, and they even had a dog.  Each woman had a room of her own.  They each had a caregiver who had just made them breakfast and made sure they had taken their medicine.  They were both dressed well and had clean a clean appearance.  Best of all, they seemed very happy.  It was my first look, and recognition, that Jackson could have a life of his own someday.  Until that day, I often wondered to myself what our future with Jackson looked like.  Would Jackson live with us until we died?  What would happen to him when we died?  How could Kevin and I possibly care for him when we are 70?!  I can barely lift him now.  Would I have to dress him, feed him, move him when I am an old woman?  These are thoughts that have often preoccupied my days.  I still worry, but visiting that home has created new dreams for Jackson.  

I want Jackson to someday leave our home and have a life of his own.  I want him to have his own house or apartment.  A place he can call his own.  Will he go to college?  Who knows!  I can’t predict what new thing that kid will do tomorrow let alone 12 years down the road.  But if he can, and he wants, then I hope college is in his future.  I want him to be able to work and have a job that he enjoys.  I want him to have friends in his life that will go out to dinner with him or a movie.  I want him to have a hobby or a sport he likes.  I want him to be surrounded by people who love him on holidays and birthdays.  I want him to have people in his life who will celebrate who he is and love him because of all his good qualities.  Most of all, I want him to be happy.  And healthy.  I want all of these things for my son, just like anyone else would want for their son.  I’m no different than any other mom. 

Yesterday we had Jackson’s annual IEP meeting.  We sat in a room with his teachers, the speech, occupational, and physical therapist, a vision specialist, the music teacher, counseling student, and district official.  Every thing that was said about Jackson was positive.  Over and over I heard “We love working with Jackson.  He’s such a great kid.”  The music teacher spoke about how Jackson comes to music every day with a different general education class.  He said that even when Jackson tries to sing along and is loud, they love it because he’s contributing.  What I heard was “He’s loved.”  We had to change some of his goals that we set in August because he met them already.  His teacher said “He’s smart.  He gets it.”   Last year the teacher had one main goal for him - pick up a block and put it in a box.  This year he has learned to read sight words, knows numbers, colors, the names of his classmates, days of the week, weather, etc.  My kid is smart.  I always knew it, I just wished someone else would too.  If Jackson can make that much progress in a half of a school year, the sky is the limit for his future.  Living a life of his own someday isn’t just a pipedream, it’s reality.  A reality we start working towards now, preparing him for his future.

Having said all that, it does make me a little sad.  The thought of my baby leaving and not needing me every day makes me want to turn back the clock.  One of my favorite things about Jackson is that in many ways he is still like a baby.  He needs cuddle time.  He smiles when I kiss him (which is numerous times a day).  He follows me around the house.  He still likes peek-a-boo.  He laughs at new noises.  He loves bath time.  He tries to wiggle away when I change his diaper (this I don’t love so much though).  He looks at me adoringly.  He loves tickle time.  He lights up when I come into his room to get him out of bed every morning.  And the only consistent word he has ever said is “Mama”.  Ugh!  He’s my baby.  Always has been, always will be.  It will probably nearly kill me to see him leave and live a life of his own.  But at the same time, I will probably be more proud than any mom out there because it will mean Jackson has grown, progressed and succeeded in creating a life of his own.  Something a lot of people may doubt along the way. 

Just because Jackson was born with disabilities, it doesn’t mean those disabilities define him.  They are a part of his life, not his whole life.  If, at 7 years old, we place doubt on his abilities, and focus on his disabilities, we will stunt him from progressing.  We will send a message to him that he can’t do certain things and that his life isn’t nearly as valuable because he is disabled.  I’m not doing that to my kid.  If Jackson wants to do something, we will figure out how to do it.  It may take a little longer and require more resources, but we will figure it out.  As Henry Ford said “One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” 

Moving Forward

The last few months of 2015 were not good for the Klim clan.  There was a stress on our family that weighed us down in more ways than one.  We didn’t talk about it because it was just a bit too much.  Thinking about it and living it were enough.  But the stress lifted off our family on December 17^th, the day we flew to Florida.  For the first time in months I think Kevin and I were able to breathe freely and look towards our future.  It involves a lot of changes, but it’s time.

Many of you know that Kevin and I owned another property.  Kevin owned it when we met and when we moved in together we lived there.  It was our home when we married.  It was the home we brought Jackson to from the hospital when he was born.  It was a place that was so much more to us than buildings.  Crestline (as we call it) is a very unique piece of property.  Our realtor, who has been in this business nearly 20 years, said she has never seen anything like it.  It’s about an acre, smack dab in the middle of the south hill, with pear, plum, walnut, and apple trees.  Grape and blackberry bushes and trees that are over a 100 years old.  Deer, moose, turkey’s, raccoons, skunks, and a cat (Bruce) who just won’t leave have also called Crestline home.  The main house (built around 1890) was a carriage house to a mansion.  The house next door was the guest house to the mansion and they both have gambrel style roofs.  There is another house on the property that has been there for perhaps as many years and is like an in-law cottage.  Crestline is magical and holds a special place in our heart.  Putting it up for sale was a heartbreaking decision but it was time to say goodbye.  Maintaining the homes and the property were becoming a bit too much with our growing family.  

In August we got the offer we were waiting for by someone who saw the magic of Crestline.  She asked that we register the in-law house with the city as a auxillary dwelling unit (ADU) since it didn’t have that standing.  So we agreed.  Kevin took the paperwork and fee down to the city and he was told it would be a couple of days.  Unbeknownst to us, the storm began brewing.

A week later we still hadn’t heard anything so Kevin went down to City Hall to check on it.  This is when the attacks and accusations began.  According to the city there are no houses on Crestline.  Only pole barns.  If there are homes, then we built them and as such are criminals who have no regard for the laws of the city and state.  Flat out, we were liars who broke the law and the city was going to make us pay.  Those of you who know Kevin know he is a mild mannered, logical, calm thinker.  He doesn’t get mad very often but this was too much even for him.  He was verbally attacked and treated like a criminal.  That is the tone and treatment we have received from the city for the past 4 months.  The city bombarded us with fines, fees, requiring new roofs, new insulation, new siding, moving walls, widening stairways, vents, electrical work, you name it, the city wanted us to do it.  Every week there was something else they wanted.  We even had to hire an project manager/architect to draw up plans of the existing house.  I’m not going to go into a great deal of detail about the events of the last 4 months because frankly it’s not over for me.  My family has suffered greatly because of the city.  The individual stress on both Kevin and I, the stress on our marriage and family, the implications it had on Kevin’s job, the financial stress and near ruin we suffered are all things that the city are responsible for.  I’m not going to let them get away with it.  I will make sure that the city takes responsibility for the wrongful way we were treated and for the financial loss we suffered.  We will get an apology from the Mayor and we will get some of our money back.  Count on it.

Our only sense of hope was that all through the 4 months of hell, the buyer held in there with us.  Even apologizing to us for all the grief we were going through.  In December she came to us and offered us a compromise, she would take it as is for a reduction in sell price.  We took it.  Kevin was in the midst of putting on a new roof and had to quickly finish it along with a few other projects.  We finished on Tuesday, Thursday we flew to Florida the new owner signed the papers, it was officially hers and our nightmare was over.  Despite all we went through, I was, and still am, sad to see Crestline go.  I cried like a baby as a I drove down the driveway for the last time. 

When we returned home from Florida there was a gift waiting for us.  It was a box of Harry and David pears, chocolates, nuts, popcorn, and candies.  It was from Ann, the new owner of Crestline.  She thanked us for everything and told us how happy and proud she was to be the new steward of Crestline.  I know in my heart we found the right person for Crestline and that she will ensure the property stays magical.  We’ve promised to stay in touch and we’ve offered our help with anything she may need at Crestline.  Saying goodbye to Crestline means no more weekends over there raking, mowing, weeding, watering, and cleaning.   Our weekends are finally free, a big change.

What else could possibly change?  Oh yeah, I got a job!  This advocating Mama is headed to our Capitol during legislative session to try and work some magic for Jackson and his friends.  Well mostly, I am going to be learning how to make magic work. 

A few years ago I walked into our State Capitol for the first time and had the weirdest feeling that I was supposed to be there.  I had a sense that the Capitol was going to be an important place in my life.  Ever since that day I have been on a journey to make my way there.  It’s been slow and I have a LONG way to go, but this is the first step and I am bursting with excitement to get started.  My “job” is actually a 6 month Fellowship.  I will be working in Olympia two days a week and the rest of the time at home. I will be under the guidance of some seasoned developmental disability professionals who have worked magic for years in our Capitol.  Their knowledge and expertise overwhelm me and I am hoping I can absorb some of it.  Once session is over I will work on follow up and will write a thesis type paper on my work.  Hopefully I will catch the eye of someone who wants to hire me to do disability public policy work full time and hopefully in Olympia, where we would like to move.  Being away from the family two days a week is going to be hard but worth it.  After 7 years of being a stay at home Mom I am feeling anxious and ready for a change. 

As for Kevin, it’s not a big secret that he hasn’t been happy in his job for a while now.  He is hoping I get a job too so he can be a stay at home Dad!  Actually, he may switch careers and become a financial planner/consultant.  Something that we will be working towards too. 

I anticipate that big things are in store for the Klim’s this year.  Typically I don’t like change, but for some reason I think it is time for change in our lives.  Maybe because I finally feel like we have our family.  There’s no more uncertainty about Sylvia leaving us.  She’s our daughter now.  We’ve let part of our past go with the sale of Crestline.  It’s time to move forward.  Here’s looking to 2016 being a year of change!

“Change is the essence of life.  Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.” ~ Unknown

Storm!

A wind storm hit Spokane nearly 2 weeks ago, Tuesday, November 17^th to be exact.  We knew the storm was coming but what we didn’t know was the damage it would deal to the city.  The winds started kicking up about 1 p.m.  They were strong but not too bad.  Sylvia called me from school about 2:30 to tell me that the school wasn’t going to let students leave the building after school so I would have to come in to the school to get her.  I went a little bit early to pick her up to miss the rush.  On the way home we saw the first tree down.  It was in the front yard of a house we drive by every day and was probably about 90 years old.  It missed two houses by about a foot.  We drove by it twice just to look at it.  It was pretty amazing and lucky to not have hit those homes.  We got home and watched the storm through the front window.  Neighbors trash cans, flags, yard decorations and tumbleweeds were blowing down the street.  Sylvia and I took turns running outside to claim our neighbors’ belongings to give back to them.  Jackson arrived home on the bus and his bus driver informed me that two buses had already been hit with trees.  It was getting worse by the minute.  The City of Spokane directed everyone to go home at 3 p.m.  The city was shutting down.  Eastern Washington University, where Kevin works, also closed at 3.  Kevin came home and about 20 minutes later we lost power.  Sylvia was excited, it was the first time she lost power.  Jackson was mostly confused about why we were living in the dark.  Of all things, I was supposed to fly to Seattle that night for 2 days of meetings.  I watched online as all the flights out of Spokane were cancelled, except mine at 7:30 that night.  I knew it had to be canceled but the airport and airline websites both showed my flight going.  So in the midst of 70 mile an hour winds, and with my family at home with no power, I headed out the airport.  I felt like I was in a movie!  Trees were down everywhere, I would go down a street only to be blocked by a tree, I’d go down another street and encounter another tree.  The city was dark, no traffic lights, sections of fence were flying down the streets, it was raining dirt water, and every once in a while the sky would light up (another transformer blowing).  I’ll be honest, I love storms!  It was fairly awesome to be out in it, once I got over my fear of being out in it.  Of course once I got to the airport they told me my flight was canceled, even though the airport monitors and the website still showed it was “on time”.  I headed back into the storm.  This time I decided to stop by our other property to see how it was holding up.  That was another obstacle, trees down on nearly every street I tried.  Our property was fine except for the giant branch that had fallen off our neighbors pine tree that was blocking the driveway.  It had at least missed the power line.  I got home to a dark house and Kevin and Sylvia playing games by the light of the lantern.  We went to bed having no idea of what we would wake up to.  We woke up to no electricity but enough hot water for a shower!  I had rescheduled to a morning flight and we already knew there was no school or work for Kevin.  I headed back out to the airport feeling really guilty for leaving my family in a home with no heat or power.  What I wasn’t prepared for was what I saw that morning.  I’ve never been in the aftermath of a hurricane or a tornado but my guess is that it looks pretty similar to what Spokane looked like.  So many more trees were down.  Power lines were hanging down on the street like string.  For those of you who don’t know Spokane, we have a “Tree City” designation.  Our trees are big, old and cover streets with their leaves like tunnels.  I haven’t heard the final figure but I know we lost close to 400 trees that night.  It was fairly heartbreaking to see the damage.  There were still no traffic lights but there weren’t too many cars out.  I flew to Seattle for my meetings but it was hard to focus, I was worried about my family and what we were going to do without power.  I knew from the looks of it, it was going to be a while before we got it back.  The utility company was saying 3-5 days for our neighborhood.  That night in my hotel room I was talking to Sylvia on the phone when she suddenly screamed “Our power just came on!”  I jumped up and down on the bed in the hotel room in excitement.  We had only lost it for 27 hours.  We were some of the lucky ones.  The worst off went 11 days.  Not only that but not even a week later we got our first snow storm and temperatures plunged into the teens.  Many people chose to ride out the no power in their homes in those temperatures.  It was brutal for them.  In the end 3 people died in the storm.  As far as school, well there was none.  While some of the schools had electricity many didn’t.  One school had two large trees fall on it.  Kids walking to school would have been met with downed power lines and trees.  It wasn’t safe.  The kids finally went back to school yesterday.  12 days of having kids home from school, with a city that wasn’t fully functioning (banks, grocery stores, even McDonald’s didn’t have power!) was exhausting.  Our streets are fairly clear and everyone has power again, but the damage is still visible.  Houses with tarps over them because they lost part of their roof or a tree fell on them are a common sight.  Giant trees moved to the side of the roads.  Trees cut up in big chunks litter people’s yards.  Bases of trees with roots sticking up 6 feet in the air with pieces of sidewalk it took out are frequently spotted.  And that first tree Sylvia and I saw?  Well the other old tree next to it went down too.  It also missed the two houses.  They are still there, untouched.  The kids and I drove around two days after the storm to check out the damage.  As we headed out we saw a tow truck towing an RV.  A tree had fallen on it right in the middle.  It looked like a bomb had gone off in it.  We saw quite a few houses that took hits from trees.  Some that were now unlivable.  As the weeks went on utility crews from Canada, Oregon, Nevada, California and Montana invaded our town.  Those men and women were our heroes.  700 of them.  They worked 12 hour shifts so that they were going 24 hours a day.  They missed Thanksgiving with their families so that our families could have electricity.  One incredible woman drove around and delivered Thanksgiving dinner to some of them while they worked.  The kids and I loved driving around town seeing all the different trucks and we made sure to yell “THANK YOU!”.  Spokane is pretty big, but when something like this happens it feels like a small community.  Everyone helping their neighbors.  One elderly woman went without power for 7 days, when the power came on it sparked a fire in a space heater that was left on and her home quickly caught on fire.  Where did she stay that night?  At her neighbors’ house.  On the news, she didn’t even seem to care, she was just happy to have good neighbors she said.  Our city took a big hit, one with long term effects.  But it made us stronger and more grateful for the things we take for granted.  This Thanksgiving one of the things Kevin was grateful for was “chainsaws”.  Indeed!  People helping people and a strong sense of community.  That is why I love Spokane.