I saw this bumper sticker a few days ago that said “’Parent’
is a Verb”. I stared at it as I sat at
the stop light. I kept thinking about what
it really meant. I think generally I
have thought of “parent” as a noun. But
when I saw that bumper sticker it hit home with me that yes indeed “parent” is
a verb. The last few weeks have
definitely emphasized that fact.
Over the last month or so our house has been infested with
the cold and flu. It’s the domino
effect. One has it, passes it on the
next victim, who then passes it on to the next.
It’s been never ending. Just when
I thought we were all better, Jackson decided to go for round 2, sending me
into round 3. As I write this there are
3 of us at the tail end of a cold. Knock
on wood that the constant opening of windows and spraying of Lysol is going to
ward off another round. Nothing screams “parent”
like kids with colds. Especially when
the parent has a cold too.
On top of all of this it was time to put on the first
official birthday party for Daniel. He
had never really had a real birthday party before. So for the last month I have been planning
and making sure he was involved too. He picked
out his theme (Superman), his cake, and his guests. I had a few surprises but mostly just wanted
him to have a real party for the first time.
As I tucked him in to bed that night I asked him if he liked his
party. He said it was the best he ever
had. Two days later I began planning
Jackson’s birthday party. Before his is
done I will start planning Sylvia’s too.
3 birthday parties in a span of 2 months makes for a great opportunity
to “parent”. And also go on a cake diet.
I think the biggest “parent” challenge as of late has been
trying to determine what is the best way to help Daniel deal with his anxiety,
AD/HD and behavior issues. His behavior
has become more and more challenging, at home and at school. For the past 7 months we have been trying
bio-feedback. It has gotten Daniel
nowhere. If anything his behavior has
increased negatively. We put him in play
therapy/counseling. I signed him up for
gymnastics. I pick him up one day a week
after school and we have special one on one time. I also do the one on one time with Sylvia. Ultimately we decided to try medication. Neither my husband or I are big on medication
but I worry about him becoming “that kid” at school and getting labeled as a
behavior problem. So we went to the
doctor and talked about some options which I could research. We decided on a medication that wasn’t a
stimulant. When Daniel came to live with
us he was on Ritalin and after school his behavior was out of control. It was too much for me to handle. So we gave Daniel the new medication and
hoped for the best. But within a day the
little boy we knew was gone and a slow, confused Zombie took over. It was horrifying. Within a couple of days I called the doctor
and told him it was too much, we had to change.
We lowered the dosage to half and with a day the kid we knew was
back. When you have a child who is a
handful, who has behavior issues and just generally takes up 90% of your time,
you just want a break, you want him to calm down and focus. But the minute he changes, you want him
back. I don’t know if this medication
course is the right one. I know for his
sake we need to try it so he can be successful at school and life. However, this is one opportunity to “parent”
that is not on my highlight list.
I suppose that’s why “parent” is a verb. It’s an action. An action that can be joyous, rewarding, difficult
and frustrating, all in the same day. You
have to be diverse, flexible and downright silly to “parent”. As Ray Romano said “Having children is like
living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot
of throwing up.” So why would anyone “parent”? To have the experience of being a “parent”? Noun or verb?
You decide.
