Jackson and I did not have a good weekend. I think we are getting a little sick of each other. This happens from time to time if we don’t have some kind of break from one another. Usually I teach one day a week and that is a sufficient break for us, but I haven’t taught in a couple of weeks and Kevin has been working weekends too so there has been a lot of Jackson and me time. Don’t get me wrong here, I love Jackson so much it hurts, but every relationship needs a little time out here and there!
Having a special needs child means there are things that are part of your everyday life that are sometimes hard to handle. For me, those things are: seizures, lack of mobility for Jackson (the kid weighs 30 pounds and gets very heavy after a while), and communication (or lack of it). I think the biggest issue for me right now is the lack of communication. He will be 3 next month and although he is delayed he does do some things right on time. Mostly the milestones you can do without, like teething, and tantrums.
When your child is throwing a tantrum you usually know why. There has been some kind of want, desire, or need expressed. Said want, desire or need has been denied or not acquired. The result is a tornado of wild emotions ranging from the noodle limp body, the kicking-screaming-throwing-thyself-on-the-floor-I’m making the biggest scene possible, or the longest lasting blood curling scream fest in the world. Jackson prefers the scream fest. At which point his mother would prefer turning back time and seriously questioning the decision to have children. Anyway, my point is that I don’t always know why the scream fest is taking place. He can’t tell me and since I didn’t get my Bachelor’s degree in Mind Reading, I’m screwed. It’s a guessing game and that isn’t a game I’m in love with. But I play it, and mostly I lose. Which brings me back to our bad weekend. Both Saturday and Sunday afternoon around 2-3 p.m., for a reason unknown to me, the scream fest was in session. Initially I try to calm Jackson down. Doesn’t work. I move on to distracting him with something he likes. Doesn’t work. I feed him, which is his favorite thing in the world. He calms down enough to eat, and once the last piece of food is consumed, he reactivates the scream fest. At this point I’ve lost my patience and am close to losing my mind. I’ve had enough. I use my stern mommy voice and tell him he to knock it off. Doesn’t work. So off to his bed he goes. Which only makes him more angry. I go through the house turning off the baby monitors because at this point the neighbors three houses down can hear him and I don’t need a stinking monitor to tell me my kid is making noise. I let him scream it out for a while, praying he will scream himself to sleep. Sometimes that actually works, but it didn’t this weekend. Instead what happened was this – Kevin came home. He got Jackson, played with him (the exact same thing I did earlier), laid on the floor with him (the exact same thing I did earlier), and within a few minutes Jackson was laughing and happy. Seriously?! A few minutes later Kevin puts him down for a nap (which he wouldn’t take all day) and he goes right to sleep. Seriously?! Daddy saves the day. Now I am happy he got Jackson calmed down, but also a little resentful that I had to suffer through the scream fest and tantrum. The real issue to me is what was going on and how am I supposed to know? Jackson is still too delayed to comprehend sign language and he can’t point. He really has no way of communicating. For the most part I know what he is yelling or crying about and can resolve the issue. This weekend I was at a loss. I really had no idea what was going on with him. It’s frustrating. Unfortunately, it is just my life right now. There isn’t anything we can do to change it. I know eventually Jackson will learn a way to communicate but for now we are forced to play the guessing game. But guess what? I don’t want to play anymore.