Thursday night Kevin, Jackson and I went on the Coeur d’Alene Christmas Light cruise. It was a gift from our realtor and I had been looking forward to it for a few weeks. I don’t know what I was thinking! We were trapped on a boat for two hours with a screaming, miserable little boy named Jackson.
When I was pregnant, well actually probably even before, I had all these beautiful visions of what it would be like as my child grew up. I wanted to do all the fun activities with him/her that I either did as a kid or wanted to do. Things like family bike rides, skiing together, driving around looking at Christmas lights, going out for pizza, bowling, roller skating, unexpected trips to Baskin Robins, you get the idea. I couldn’t wait to explore the world with my child. Then Jackson was diagnosed and I realized I may never get to do those things. But in just doing our day to day thing, sometimes I forget he isn’t your typical child. I know that may sound weird but it’s true. Jackson is my little 2 ½ year old. He loves to eat, he likes to watch cartoons, he likes shopping at Costco, he is sometimes cuddly, sometimes he pushes me away when I try to kiss him, he gets excited when his Daddy comes home from work, he likes his cat Bella, he is ticklish. Just your typical 2 ½ year old. Only he’s not. Jackson is a creature of habit. He likes to be home. He wants to eat in his highchair, roll around on the floor and sleep in his crib. New places, situations and people are sometimes a little bit too much for him, which leads to screaming meltdowns. I know this, but sometimes I just forget. I just want to go do stuff with my boys, have some family time and expose Jackson to fun things, but that isn’t how Jackson operates. As we were trapped on the boat out in the middle of Lake Coeur d’Alene I said to Kevin “Why did you let me take us on this cruise?” He replied “I thought you had a plan.” Well I didn’t. I’m not sure how to. That’s the hard part. How do you plan for a two hour meltdown? My only plan now is to avoid any situation that may cause Jackson angst. Except for that 6 hour flight to Florida we have in a few days. I know someday Jackson will be ok with new situations. I don’t know when, but someday we will try new things without it being a dismal experience . Maybe in a few years the misery of the cruise will fade and we can try it again. All I know is that the minute we got home and put Jackson on the floor with his toys, he was the happiest little boy in Spokane. And that is how I want him to be, happy.