I’m not real big fan of the New Year celebration. I’d rather stay home than be on the road with a bunch of drunks. I’m usually in bed before midnight (this year I made it to 10:30 p.m.). I didn’t even realize it was New Year’s Eve until about 3 p.m. this year. I’m also not a big resolution person either. I have good intentions (don’t we all) but I never follow through with these resolutions so I have kind of given up on them. Maybe it’s because Jackson was so sick in December and it was a really difficult time for me, but for whatever reason I feel kind of introspective about 2012. There are things I decided that I am going to focus on this year. I say focus because they may or may not be achieved. I don’t want to get my hopes up and then have them crushed (I still have a love/hate relationship with hope). So focus it is. Here are my focus items:
1. Jackson walking. I really want Jackson to walk. More than I want to hear “I love you Mommy” come out of his mouth. I want him to experience getting to move from one place to the next all by himself. I want him to see the world upright. I don’t want him to spend his life in a chair. I can’t make Jackson walk and this focus may be one I have for the next 5 years. What I can do is work harder to help him walk. I can stop carrying him around. I can start making him stand up for long periods every day. I can get him a stander (if my good buddies at Molina Healthcare help me out). I can make him “walk” around the house to get from the floor to the bath, or to bed, or to his highchair. I can read these books I bought about motor control and how to implement it in my disabled son. He may not like it, my back surely isn’t going to like it, but I have to do all I can to help my boy walk. So I will.
2. Jackson communicating. We have the iPad. The school downloaded the $200 communication program (Proloquo2Go) for us. I need to learn how to use it, then I need to teach Jackson how to use it. I kind of feel like Jackson isn’t ready for it. But I have underestimated my kid before so I am just going to give it my all. Maybe he isn’t ready, but maybe he is. I would rather try than not. Anything that would allow Jackson to be able to express his wants and needs is something that should be a huge focus for me.
3. Yoga. This one’s for me. I love yoga. I really, really love it. I haven’t done it since I was pregnant with Jackson. I miss it. I miss having a relaxed, stretched body. My body is starting to feel the effects of carrying Jackson around all day. I need to get my body back to a happy place. I have no self discipline to do it at home so I need to find an affordable class and someone to watch the kids. I will find a way! I will focus on Yoga!
Henry David Thoreau said: "It is reasonable that a man should be something worthier at the end of the year than he was at the beginning." I think so too Henry. Hopefully I will be.