I think I am finally snapping out of my sad funk. What I’ve come to realize the last couple of weeks is that I’m not going to ever be immune to these little funks. As a special needs parent you come to live a life that is tinged by grief. Well most of us do anyway. There are some truly spectacular people (my husband is one of them) who never wish their child was “normal”. They just amazingly accept the fact that their child has a disability and never look back. I try hard to be that person but I just can’t get there. There is always going to be a small part of me that will occasionally wish Jackson’s brain was fully developed. With that comes the whole “I can’t do this, I can’t be a special needs parent, it’s too hard.” funk. Throw in the fact that I miss my Dad more than I can ever say and down the spiral I go. The real problem is how I deal with all this. I know it is going to be a part of my life from now on. What do I do about that?
Last weekend I had a date with my husband. During dinner we were discussing how differently we view having a special needs kid. Kevin told me about a quote he had recently read that was something to the effect that life isn’t about waiting for storms to pass it’s about learning to dance through them. It was the perfect time for that quote to come along. It got me thinking about my ability to dance through these storms that lie ahead, and how well I will dance through them. Am I the weak, crumble at every crisis type or am I the pick myself up and move on type? Or am I a little bit of both? Most of my life I have been the pick myself up and move on girl. But having a child changes your perspective. And having a special needs child just plain changes how you look at life and live it. When something happens to me, I can deal with that. When something happens to my beautiful little boy, well that is a different story. I guess in the end my ability to dance will be a crapshoot. How well I dance is going to depend on my ability to accept this life my little boy has in store for me. Either way I want to dance, and dance like nobody’s business.
With that I leave you with a quote by Dan Zadra: “Always know in your heart that you are far bigger than anything that can happen to you.”